Hi ladies, I wanted to ask if anyone else is experiencing discomfort and pain during sex? I’ve used lubricants regularly over the years but I’m not finding them that helpful with the pain. I’m confused about what to do and hoping for any advice. I’m in my 50s and not ready to give up sex yet!
– Celine, Philadelphia
Please read up on a condition called vaginal atrophy. It’s surprisingly common. As your estrogen levels drop then you can experience painful sex, frequent uti’s, going to the loo more, itching and much more.
You can treat it with localised estrogen and moisturisers like Yes and Sylk. The localised estrogen is extremely low so even those with medical conditions that stop you taking hrt can often use this.
I have vaginal atrophy, so this is what I’ve learnt in the last few months.
It may not be that….but worth a look.
Wishing you well x
Yes! I actually had this during both of my pregnancies and it is horrifically painful.
I have atrophy too. Used estrace cream (helped), tried femilift (didn’t notice any change and expensive), and now Started on prempro (expensive). Have not had sex yet to try it. Dr. said it takes 6 weeks to notice anything.
I have cream also does not seem to help?
I feel your pain, I too have had trouble with this. It has been suggested to me to use an estrogen cream but I’ve had breast cancer so best not to. I’ve been to a fabulous continence physio and she found I was suffering from pelvic tension, which can cause problems too. Gave me exercises and a trainer (plastic device to help retrain pelvic muscles) which helped a lot. Also recommended regular use of a vaginal moisturiser, such as replens. I’ve been ordering a natural version called “Yes VM” which I prefer. They recommend using every three days but I adjust as I need and sometimes that can be daily. Also the best lubricant I found for sex is Eros bodyglide. The physio explained to me that if you have a painful sexual experience, next time your muscles will automatically tighten in anticipation of pain, so relaxing and taking your time is very important. Also, leaving it too long between encounters can make it harder, but not to endure the pain, stop as soon as it is painful.
This has all helped me, I’m a lot better than I was, still not as easy as it once was but much better.
Hope this might help. Keen to hear anyone else’s positive experience too.
Thank you. Just bought some vm cream
Where do you purchase the cream?
I order both a vaginal moisturizer and a water based lubricant on Amazon.
Thank you.
I used to , before going keto .
I’m 40 and have or had PCOS.
I would have cysts pop ( lots of pain ) or just mild shots of pain , when not having sex. When having sex , it would be incredibly uncomfortable sometimes. As if there were something that was constantly being hit attached to a nerve, with shooting pain in one area.
I go off and on low carb/sugar. When I dramatically drop the amounts of carbs and sugar I intake I feel ridiculously better and don’t have cramping. When I do go for too long eating crap ( like now ) , I have a lot more cramping and pain.
I just had a burning feeling the last few years and have been using a lubricant but now I am in my 7th month of no period and had to find a more effective lubricant. However, I have been told I have fibroids and while I wait for medical treatment, I have reached a point to where I cannot have sex anymore. The pain is awful from a slow gentle start to finish. It’s very different from just dryness but also includes a somewhat raw feeling. It’s a pain in so many areas. I wish I could better explain it but it has gotten worse and a few times was enough for me until I get rid of them. Just waiting on the Doc.
I have the same problem too, with the pain as you have described it. I am very interested in what your doctor says.
Yes! Never had pain before and now it’s almost unbearable. I’m not willing ultimately give up sex either ?
Yes. I used lubricant but it wasn’t working. I didn’t know I was in early menopause but labs confirmed it. I immediately started researching what my options were (every woman is different). I was going to try estrogen cream (vaginally) but started HRT first and waited a few weeks and found I didn’t need the vaginal estrogen (in addition to the HRT pill).
HRT helped with the dryness and pain for me.
Hi Celine, you’re not alone in experiencing this. A couple of things cause painful sex in menopause. Firstly, low estrogen levels make it hard to produce your own natural lubricant and keep your tissues healthy. So when you do have sex you can experience burning or even minor tearing. Secondly, when sex becomes uncomfortable, it can make your body resist penetration because your muscles tighten. Understandably, painful sex can also cause anxiety. As you’ve already tried a lubricant, try experimenting with a different kind, or try increasing the amount you use. Also, a daily vaginal moisturizer can keep your tissues consistently moist. If you think your muscles are tightening, you can try vaginal dilators or seek a pelvic health specialist who can support with physical therapy. Lastly, it is always helpful to see your doctor when sex is painful. Your doctor may recommend a therapy like HRT to help counter low estrogen levels. Hope you can start enjoying intimacy again soon!
I am also in my 50’s snd having the same experience. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks for this question. This has just begun with me and I wasn’t quite sure why. I’ve now been doing some research so am armed with info and questions for my GP.
Yes!!! Looking forward to any advice also.
I would recommend you go to the Dr. because you might have endometriosis.
I feel your pain . I have shooting pain the moment of climax , nothing to do with lubrication or penetration. It’s like a nerve has been hit , sometimes it’s only in that moment. I’m not sure if it’s hormonal or muscular/nerve . I have been under a lot of stress lately .
Same here ??♀️! Sometimes when I climax my uterus starts painful contractions like if I were in labor ?. I get dizzy and one time I fainted. I have no idea what to do
I’m so sorry you have experienced this Celine! I hope you have an understanding husband like mine. You are not alone some pains are resolved some are not here are a number of routes that I took… ( please don’t be put off but they unfortunately they didn’t help me ,but who knows, you may be lucky and they help you?♀️! . From your post I’m not sure if you have had a hysterectomy like me , if you have ..
1.ask your gynae to check if your cervical scar has healed properly , is there any vaginal narrowing,check for abdominal adhesions from the operation…or could there possibly be a damaged nerve which may had been affected during the op. Mine came up ok?♀️
2. I also went through some sex therapy ( I did feel it was my fault …WRONGLY !! )
Unfortunately for me as the first investigation did not show any issues . The therapist said as I had experienced pain during sex in the past due to having endometriosis and various ovarian cysts choc cysts between the walk of the uterus which eventually led to my hysterectomy , So I had to consider the pain I was experiencing was simply “ghost pains” She gave me a few pointers …talk about it with my husband and state it wasn’t him that was the issue , I was shunning sex.. as I had pain and I needed his support?♀️ We used a therapy where for the first few weeks we just touched/ caressed that kind of thing ,, but I was always afraid if I kissed my husband deeply it would always lead to sex ( I had to get over this feeling ) Eventually Over quite a few months ( me getting over the feeling I was rushing in to have painful)we progressed our courtship On to having sex again using masssge Etc and relaxation exercises To relax me ..then when I was happy to progress we used sexual positions that I could control so it was not so painful ( which is a thought…have you ever had any checks for this disease, eg an ultra sound will be sufficient to tell if you have it or not….as sometimes ( least I found this) the position of growing cysts can cause pain especially during deep penetrating sex.)
During therapy they said I may have a thing called remembered pain ,therefore I tensed up during sex as I expected to have pain.. that tied up with vaginal dryness in my case made sex painful ! As I say, I’m not sure what stage in life you are at,what medical conditions you have or in fact if you have had partial or a full hysterectomy ( I have adhesions, which I personal think also contribute to pain during sex.Im sorry to say there are many things that cause pain during sex but one thing for certain it’s not normal!! So something is wrong , if your doctor simply prescribes lubricants … I’d ask for a second option. You maybe lucky and your pain could be resolved I truly hope so! You have my sympathies it’s truly awful
I actually just saw my GYN today for menopausal issues and he said he had a patient who used Julva and had great results with it. Said it’s pretty natural and to try it and report back. So I’m giving that a shot!
Hi Beverly,
I hope everything is well with you! Have you tried Julva yet? Any good news? I would like to hear from you as this product is quite expensive.
I hope it works for you.
Happy holidays!
Raquel
I have had similar issues, as cheesy as it sounds, I have found that coconut oil has worked miracles. I get organic coconut oil and a little bit of that goes along way. It’s worth a try. If it doesn’t work for sex you can use it for cooking LOL
Me too! It has worked wonders for me in place of actual lube as well… was constantly feeling extreme burning when I would apply lube whether it was the warming or tingling kind or not. Got to a point where I would be completely unable to bear having sex at all because I was starting to feel like I was either on fire or raw and chafed the minute I put the lube on. Tried coconut oil and instantly knew it was better. No more burning or raw chafing feelings anymore. Was such a relief and I will never go back to regular lube. Plus coco oil is good for your vaginal ph levels as well.
i experience dryness Lubricants help OB prescribed Vagifem which i take 3x/wk which somewhat helps.
I am new to this group but so pleased I’ve found it.
I have had this problem for a few years, I use vagifem but that hasn’t really helped. I’ve been investigated and was told it was vaginal atrophy and was prescribed “instil a gel” this is the lubricant clinicians use when inserting catheters etc. It slightly numbs the area. I would recommend trying it
Try not to give up on sex, we did because I got a nasty urine infection after years of cystitis so my husband didn’t want to carry on trying but now time has gone on and we don’t really know what’s happening up there ?
I need all the help I can get! Have stopped having sex for over a year now due to the absolute agony of it….
Since the hysterectomy, it simply has been horrendous. I am on hrt and whilst it helps with some mood symptoms and hot flashes, it is useless in regard to pain relief or dryness. Am waiting to see gyn and would like some help in the interim.
Thanks
My ob/gyn said to try olive oil as lube and for dryness/itching. Haven’t tried it yet. Hope it works!
OMG – I thought my body was rebelling! I’m 56 and have been going through the menopause for YEARS – I only really had night sweats and hot flushes but was ok in all other respects … but in the last couple of years I have been experiencing painful sex and it’s been getting worse …. I thought I’d got some horrible growth as it’s just unbearable .. bless you huni I’m going to go to a sexual health clinic as my doctor is absolutely not interested at all ?
Thank you so much for sharing and I hope something happens for both of us soon to change this xxx
You could have a prolapse. I have had one for some time. A rectal and bladder. Stage 1. There are 4 stages. This is what is causing me to have painful sex. I am seeing a Pelvic Health Specialist. She diagnosed me. I thought it was just the peri menopause. It’s not it’s this. Pelvic Organ Prolapse. I’m going to try PT and see if that helps first. I don’t want surgery. Please have your Dr check you for this. I did my own research and this is how I found out about this. I hope this helps you. My marriage is effected by this. I’m 47 and I don’t want to not enjoy sex. I’m on HRT and have been for 5 years.
I’m 53, divorced and I am terrified of dating cause Im afraid to have sex. In my late 40’s I was already experiencing some vaginal dryness and it was painful. Now that Im in full blown menopause I’m afraid it will be worse. My doctor recommended coconut oil for when the time comes.
Still in peri stage and usually I’m okay during sex however younger guy laster longer and I didn’t grab the lube … almost a week later and I’m trying to recall how long it took for the stitches to heal when I had my son decades ago because these two small tears make me want to schedule a dr appt… I’m sure they’ll heal without Rx or a dr bill. No weird discharge, just painful. I lightly rinse witch hazel after urinating (if I can use it on my bum then minor labia should be fine I hope). Any advice?